I'm sorry Zooey that you never returned my emails. My brother was right, you are weird and uncoordinated and a bad actress. It's okay though because now I can return "Once upon a mattress" to netflix.
Also I can spend more time watching "Parks and Recreation" with the much more athletic Aubrey Plaza. I dedicate my award winning piece "Ladyparts" to her, that is totally what her butthole looks like in my imagination. Even if it isn't an exact replica, I would still pay to sniff her farts.
So goodbye forever Zooey, I would still want to smell your farts but not at the price of a broken heart. Farts not hearts Zooey. Farts not hearts.